Saturday, April 25, 2009

grease monkey

First I have to tell you about a new product experience. I normally buy those bleach tablets that you put in the toilet tank. In the past when I have run out I have used some regular bleach in that tank. So I went shopping and bought the new Clorox Plus Splashless. Ran out of tablets and poured some of this bleach in the back tank, did a flush and was not really paying attention as the tank filled. Came back into the bathroom only to discover and enormous amount of suds spewing out of the back of the tank. I grabbed a cup and start transferring the suds to the sink. Before I knew it the sink was full of suds. What the hell? Seems like fast running water just helped to create more suds. I guess the Plus meant more suds!

Where did all this heat come from? Who let the sun out? It is hard to believe these skyrocketing temperatures from one day to the next. Yes Al, I know it is part of global warming. I just can't keep up with things since spring hit. Everyone wants their grass cut and they wanted it yesterday. Why in the hell did I decide to call our business On Demand Services! That's what people expect too! Call in the morning and want that grass cut today! I am not really complaining, just amused at how people think.

I actually acquired a new client that is amazed that we have women mowing grass. He even had mentioned in a round about way if we mow in bikini tops. I was torn over how I felt about this and of course that wasn't happening. In one sense I understood that there was a whole new avenue of business there. Can you imagine seeing that ad in the help wanted section:

Wanted big busted, trim young women that can handle warm temperatures,
operate lawn equipment while wearing a bikini, and being oggled by
a few needy souls. Work for ON DEMAND SERVICES
(only mowing no other services are needed)
And here all this time I thought pay per view solved this problem!

I have hit upon a huge target clientele which is divorced and widowed women. They actually create to do list for us. Ranging from changing light bulbs, mulching flowerbeds, to waterproofing basements. I think it is time to expand but still fear the economy and am holding back from doing so. I would love to have a small tractor with a front end loader. It would make some of these jobs so much easier and less time consuming. I guess I will just have to put it on the wish list. I found something new to rent however. It is called the dingo and is a powered walk behind front end loader, post hole digger, trench digger, and raker. Relatively small for those small areas you need to work in. I want one. Guess I'll put that on my wish list too. I am learning that it is not hard to operate alot of the large equipment, it just takes practice.

I have been cutting corners everywhere to save money towards one ( a tractor) . Today it was trying to tune up the mower myself, change the truck oil, and flush the anti freeze. Well I went to the local parts store with all the info I thought that I would need for all this stuff and boy was I disappointed. Get home, get all the stuff out, ready to roll and change the truck oil first ( I have done this in the past on my other vehicles). Oh my God! I thought I was going to blow a big hernia across the driveway. There was no way that drain plug was moving. Three coats of WD-40 and a 3 foot extension pipe and 45 minutes later that thing was not budging. I really don't think men should be allowed to use air guns! They just put shit on entirely too tight! I moved on to other services, lawnmowers. Two down with oil changes, spark plugs, and new air filters. The last one was manufactured by the devil himself. I read the the damn manual front to back and it took me 1 hour to get the damn oil out. Now believe me I do not relish baking in the sun, sweating like a pig, breaking a nail, and getting my hands greasy. It is simply because I am cheap when it comes to certain things. I just can't get over the hump of a lawn mower mechanic getting sixty dollars and hour to change oil and install spark plugs. Then that brutal determination set in that I was getting this done come hell or high water. Well dusk came and I am still at it. For the life of me how can you take a model and serial number plus the owners manual into a parts store and they still give you the wrong air filter! Bummer!

Then came the final part. I purchase my first grease gun. After scanning the instructions I get the thing out do a quick review to check out how it works and install the lube. Oooh this thick pink oozy stuff. Oh my it is really smelly and greasy. It smells just like the garage when you take your car in to be worked on. This was a new experience for me because I just never realized how they got the grease into those little nodules. After the a day of hard labor and an education of how things work I retired to the house like a whooped puppy with an unusual odor that lingered in the air. As I prepared to take a shower, a cold mug of beer in hand , I looked into the mirror with horror. Nail polish worn off, grass and other what not in my hair, and grease smudges everywhere I had realized at that moment that I had turned into a grease monkey for the day!


Anonymous said...

Sounds like my first experience with wallpapering. Maybe not quite greasy, but I looked like a Martha Stewart Project Gone Wrong. ~Mary

Lucy said...

So funny the way you tell it but I can imagine how hard it was to try to get all these things done. My hubby who is an ex mechanic even curses Air guns. Especially on a lawn mower. He still mows our yard but in front we have a steep hill all across the front and even though he is doing well he is a heart patient. May have to see what the lady up the street would charge. The rest is flat and if he breaks it up in to 2 days he does pretty well. Lucy